update

and so metaphorical for life; right when you think you have it defined it mixes it all up on you without actually going anywhere.

it's a mouse, not a lizard.

and it is still behind the dresser.

this just happened

a lizard ran into my room from under a crack in my outdoors-door i've noticed before, but never realized the full implications of, and i discovered my immediate reaction to be, uttered in what i hoped were loud, commanding tones: 'WHAT THE FUCK, ANIMAL?'
and then he went and sat behind my pink dresser, and i just sat there too, only in my bed, and thought about how i should probably do something, but all i could think of, and eventually did do, was open my door to the less-inviting outdoors and then go bang the lid of a hard, vintage suitcase i keep some shoes in, against one side of the pink dresser.

unless he is supremely wily, which i don't really want to consider at great length, he is still under there, even as we speak. neither possibility is really what i'm looking for in life, right now, sorry lizard - yes, you, i realize you are a LIZARD, not an ANIMAL - but i'm glad we had this talk, i really am.

my agent dropped me, but it's not over yet.

call it what you will - bipolarity indicative delusions of grandeur, fools gold, a fairy tale - but i have something primal, mystical, fundamental and sweet hammering on the eggshell of my delicate reality, with an insistent and insatiable clamor to get out.

i will keep writing. i know that much. it is so, so worth it.

12-Step program for procrastinators

The Cult of Done Manifesto
There are three states of being. Not knowing, action and completion.
Accept that everything is a draft. It helps to get it done.
There is no editing stage.
Pretending you know what you’re doing is almost the same as knowing what you are doing, so just accept that you know what you’re doing even if you don’t and do it.
Banish procrastination. If you wait more than a week to get an idea done, abandon it.
The point of being done is not to finish but to get other things done.
Once you’re done you can throw it away.
Laugh at perfection. It’s boring and keeps you from being done.
People without dirty hands are wrong. Doing something makes you right.
Failure counts as done. So do mistakes.
Destruction is a variant of done.
If you have an idea and publish it on the internet, that counts as a ghost of done.
Done is the engine of more.

what will become of us?

tonight i attended a short film series on the history of topanga canyon. the wistful pieces, mostly depicting brutally artistic souls in the throes of nostalgia, were a wire whisk in the stirrings of my soul.

a pied piper of a blonde ageless man, also present this night in the same pin-striped suit and feathered cap, spoke onscreen of time travel, his experiences with warhol, and true transcendence of the temporal. his pen and ink illustrated depictions of these esoteric concepts fluttered between frames of state-issued community bulldozing.

he struck me as a dying breed.

after, as i approached anastasia the filmmaker, full to bursting, as always, with another project i wanted to take on - the suggestion that we track down the neal young's, joni mitchell's, taj majal's and devendra's and garner the interest this project needs - the blonde man, similarly bursting, presented me with a list, hand-scrawled in red, of the musicians of that place, past and present.

He had the same idea. And it became despicably clear he was as overwhelmed by passion for the impossible as myself.
'I'm his squaw,' said a beautiful, pregnant woman, pushing me out of the room with her energy, and I felt ADD and silly and hate myself a little for having so much vision it veritably fetters me.

I ate a slice of apple and then I slipped away and drove up to Topanga and was happy to be home, even if that's what this rented hobbit-hole is for only a few more weeks.

a very cool blog on the daily routines of creative people

Chris Ofili

"First, he tears a large sheet of paper, always the same size, into eight pieces, all about 6 by 9 inches. Then he loosens up with some pencil marks, “nothing statements, which have no function.”

James Thurber

"I never quite know when I’m not writing. Sometimes my wife comes up to me at a party and says, “Dammit, Thurber, stop writing.” She usually catches me in the middle of a paragraph. Or my daughter will look up from the dinner table and ask, “Is he sick?” “No,” my wife says, “he’s writing something.”

Truman Capote

"I am a completely horizontal author. I can’t think unless I’m lying down, either in bed or stretched on a couch and with a cigarette and coffee handy. I’ve got to be puffing and sipping. As the afternoon wears on, I shift from coffee to mint tea to sherry to martinis.”

I am here to rein in, harness and corral my thoughts into some potentially viable semblance of order. My New Year's Resolutions - essentially of working hard and being published and generally kicking ass, NOW - have already begun to gallop off without me. I feel like I'm bouncing along behind, one foot caught in the saddle, trying to protect myself from a buffeting of my own over-zealous creation.

I must remember that half the reason I've taken it so slow and easy the last few years was because I recognized my ability to get all nutso about goals at the expense of my peace of mind. Now is the time to find that productive middle-ground between self-indulgent laziness and fevered anxiety.

STRAYS: meeting with a William Morris agent this week, at my roommate's behest. I feel it's a little too early. I need to reapproach the whole concept before doing the rewrite. As of now, I am going to try to have that rewrite done in 3 weeks' time for my screenwriting class. I am reading 'flight of the conchords' episodes and the pilot for 'gossip girl' to get the creative juices flowing. I need to introduce 'more conflict' 'more reason to be invested in these characters' everyone advises. I want to be quirky and honest, yet mainstream and marketable. Possible? Unknown.

Meanwhile, will just meet this agent and have fun, with a goal of having an updated bible/treatment for him by end of week.

BRIDE OF CHRIST: literary agent is counting on something new from me by end of the month. This is going to have to wait until February. I am stewing with new ideas, though, and even looking online for fellowship/grant options, because if this thing is going to be any good, i need a lot of time and patience, still. And I think I need to write the whole damn thing, from my heart, rather than continue to try and write teaser-snippets to get that advance first. In my new voicing, i'm going for no passing of judgment and visual, tactile realness. Drop the sensationalism. Sorry, commercial world, and yes, I know, bad timing for artistic integrity in a dying industry. Oh well.

HIPSTER: what to do?! Maybe try to compile a pitch for it, and see if it sells with what i have. no time right now. would like to pull out some samples and send them around as short stories.

SHORT STORIES: wrote a good one over Xmas break. Am researching lit journals to submit it to, and have a feeling this one will be published within the next few months.

ARTICLES: wrote a self-introspection travel piece from my Xmas break journeys. Will be sending it off to various magazines today and tomorrow. Already got turned down by LA Times - they're not even buying freelance anymore! OMG! - and Sierra Magazine, although the editor at Sierra suggested I send in some column-type pieces for a new section called Ponder. Have to work on that by end of week.

and, as if I need more ... want to compile and reexamine my 'Big Ideas' document so I can put my best foot forward to this William Morris agent this week. and need I mention I have what amounts to almost a full-time job in entertainment marketing already? No problem!