Monday, October 19, 2009

Currently Reading ...


Positively 4th Street, a book about Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, Mimi Baez and Richard Farina. It's such a rare delight to find yourself in that place where you're aching to just get home and hear the whistle on the kettle that says it's done so you can get in bed with the book you're into. It hasn't happened to me enough lately, because i'm always 'working' in my head instead of relaxing.
And of course, even with this book, it's just research on the bohemian folk scene for my novels 'Hipster' and 'Gypsy.' Fortunately David Hajdu is an incredibly gifted researcher with a knack for verbosity that makes his detailed rendition of the emergence of the folk scene in Cambridge and Greenwich Village in the early sixties a visually evocative, psychologically profound reading experience.
Oh and the fact that the myers-brigg personality test I once took compared me most closely to Joan Baez makes it even more fun, especially since she was gorgeous, unique and iconically successful!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

my horoscope this week

To extract enough gold to make a wedding ring, a mining company must process a ton of ore. In a similar way, many writers generate a swamp of unusable sentences on their way to distilling the precise message they really want to deliver. Please keep these examples in mind as you evaluate your own recent progress, Virgo. It may seem like you're moving at a crawl and producing little of worth. But according to my analysis of the omens, you're on your way to producing the equivalent of a gold ring.

Wow, and right on the heels of ellen page selling a show to HBO just like Strays, followed by an assignment to condense everything i'm working on into a tidy little writer's pitch package.

thanks on-ever-insightful-one at freewillastrology.com!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Thoreau Gets It

* I learned this, at least, by my experiment;
that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
from the "Conclusion" to Walden *


Just a lil' bit of a hoot 'n a holler of a hello...I've been missing in action on here lately. This is for more or less 2 reasons:
1. I've been doing 'The Artist's Way' a 12-week course of integrating 'morning pages', a freehand, free-form daily exercise in purging on the page, into my routine. This has taken most of my creative free time, but it has been highly worth it. I'm learning to be more disciplined and focused as well as more aware of my subconscious, which leads me to:
2. I'm learning that I need to complete what I start; even if the end result is crappy (the fear of which, I suppose, in addition to that of success, is what is holding me back), it will BE COMPLETED instead of remaining another secret arrow in the quiver I carry around like an invisible little secret. What I'm also realizing is that I've overestimated my ability to remember the specific details of a project and, upon return after alleged 'reflection,' the end result is not necessarily going to turn out any better for the wait.

So what I suppose I'm saying is that my artistic journey is intact, I have not abandoned ship, I have not succummbed to the quicksand, and I do see the clean, clear light of completion still sparkling, and ever-nearer.
Also, to hark back to an update on my New Year's reflections/resolutions on the power of Owl Medicine, I have seen, to date, three owls this year, and all in interesting and meaningful moments and ways.
This picture looks like the one (minus the snow) that flew past me in the dark a few months back.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


quote on friend's page that jumped out at me today: "...the truth is that as a man's real power grows and his knowledge widens, ever the way he can follow grows narrower: until at last he chooses nothing, but does only and wholly what he must do….”

themes that keep coming up these days, in various ways and from all directions: gravity, vibrations, spirals

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

never was spoken a truer 'ism


"A writer never forgets the first time he accepted a few coins or a word of praise in exchange for a story. He will never forget the sweet poison of vanity in his blood and the belief that, if he succeeds in not letting anyone discover his lack of talent, the dream of literature will provide him with a roof over his head, a hot meal at the end of the day, and what he covets the most: his name printed on a miserable piece of paper that surely will outlive him. A writer is condemned to remember that moment, because from then on he is doomed and his soul has a price." The Angel's Game, Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Thursday, July 16, 2009

a short 'story'

In the beginning there was a guy named Moses, and he was delicious. Everyone wanted a piece of him. At least all the people who were Somebody.
Moses had long hair and a beard, and was prone to wearing white, clingy robes, very similarly, in fact, to the Western depiction of the Biblical version of that prophet by the same name. The difference, of course, was that this hipster version of Moses did not have direct access to God, although some of the music and lyrics he and his expansive band came up with suggested so, and also, he was much more Conscious – dare we venture Deliberate? But that would defeat all his magnanimous efforts at Apathy, so let’s not do that to him until he Learns - of the image he was setting forth, or imitating, than that original purveyor of the same. The similarities were: both these Moseses had a lot of Followers.
But this is not a story about Moses comparisons. This is a story of a long, deep dive down truth lane, a story of searching, and perhaps, in the end, finding a Promised Land. Which is still so Moses from the Old Testament. But that isn’t the point as I just said, at least I don’t think it is. Perhaps we shall find that that is the whole point. But let’s tell the story, or what there is of a Story, first.
Moses lived a life of creative variations on the art of indolence and indifference. He was a perfecter, a purveyor, a propheteer if you will, of Nothing. He did Nothing so well, in fact, that he began to attract a Family of followers, curiouseers of his craft.
“Why does he look so good when he doesn’t try?” they whispered within their own minds, too afraid to share their observation with another who might tell them the answer, which would be exceedingly embarrassing never mind exposing to their efforts to replicate the same.
“Let’s do something with him,” they said to one another, and Moses agreed, yes, let’s do something, and so they did, in their robes and starched white shirts and angular black blazers and rusty ascots and ‘kerchiefs. They tossed their tangled dark locks ‘to and fro’ and warbled around the sound of their own beating drums, and people began to listen, and people began to flock, and they began to sing, ‘Let my people go,” and the people seemed to agree, because, they went.
They went to their shows, and they came to their book signings – broad, black-and-white volumes depicting the wanton winsomeness of their efforts, that publishers published because Moses was Moses and he had that IT factor, and Echo Park was only a few streets from Hollywood and so he had that kind of Pull.
All was good in the land of productive indolence, and music was made and poses were poased and lovers were loved for their lovability both by lovers and observers without lovers, who would have loved to have been loved themselves, but settled for observing, and then. One. Day.
She.
Dark. Thin. Frail even. And full of fire.
She alighted on the curtain of His desire like a spark, she walked through a golden field of wheat in His direction and from beneath her heels there flowed an ocean of milk and honey and his walls came tumbling down, walls he hadn’t known were separate from his city of Perfect Nothingness, and he found, within the inner sanctums of the city there was Something, and she was circling it, every shuddering footstep beneath her feather feet drawing cracks in the foundation, the milk-and-honey eating his Something alive like pirannas in quicksand, and he had to Think Fast, which did not go with the whole rest of his Thing.
Moses ran for the mountains and found himself in the desert. An alkaline desert of crags and crooks, borne on the wings of the shrieking hawk and the black branches of eternity, and he fell upon his back and reached upwards, upwards, upwards, and found in his hand a passion fruit and of course, he took a bite, because if he didn’t, we wouldn’t really have a story would we, because there is no story if He doesn’t take a bite and She doesn’t have something to do with it, is there?
Not really.
So of course, this is where our story really begins, because while He was sliding downwards, downwards, downwards, into the abyss of What Really Is, she was Taking Over, showing his Family that what was really In Order were the noise-makers, the percussion, the beads and bows of the Fathers, the African originators, whose zebra warpaint and leopard cloaks beat to the beat of an ever-beating beat, beat, beat.
And as the fools howled at the golden moon, and crowds gathered to watch, and asked no more what had become of Moses but instead watched Miriam, this dainty goddess of all that is Deliberately Unaware. And they cheered, and they danced, and they let sweat fall and limbs swings, and observers became lovers and lovers observers, and all was shaken, shaken, shaken.
And Moses knew not a whit.
The fruit was sweet and pungent, rancor and revival rousting in its seeds, and he thought of Miriam and wept and then forgot, and when he plunged down, down, down onto all fours the ground gave way beneath him and sank into an ocean of Regret, which was Curious, because Moses was the leader of Nothing, so what was there to think over here? Nothing, duh.
Nothing.
And yet, there was so much Something that he had no choice but to move his indolent, beautiful limbs, his tangled hair streaming behind him into clean, smooth lines, and he moved with the current, willingly, and up, up, upwards again, he burst forth, and all was as it had been before and yet So Very Different.
And then he went back to Echo Park, drying on the way there, and said hi to the Family, and they looked askance because he had muscles, new, from strokes and hair clean and straight, and he did not look like them, but She saw. She saw, and she knew, and Now was all that mattered for Them.
And Miriam took Moses and begat a new acceptance in the Family, and then they moved to Topanga Canyon and someone else came along and started a band and claimed to Bursting that they invented Popular Nothingnesss, and then they fell in love, and discovered Something, and someone else came along, and so on and so forth, and then Jesus came back, with long hair and another white robe, and there was a whole ‘nother round of bands, and everyone did coke and cried and laughed and quit, and made something artistic from the whole debangle.
They’re still doing it, by the way, right now, it doesn’t stop, that’s how it works.
Youth. Passion. Begets Passion, then Youth.
Throw some paint on that and a hair bow and sing about it.
The End.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

on 2nd thought, no need to utterly nostalgize that innocence ...


so i'm poring thru old files and i came across this list of 'contacts' i made, probably as a freshman in college. The parentheses notes are real. LOL!

CONTACTS:

-Ella (show scripts to the place she was interning for)
-Mike from class (screenwriting@gmail.com)
-story analyst guy whose info. career development center gave me
-maybe Cheri whatever, alum from Oxy? (wrote draft of toy story 3)
-Doug from myspace
-older guy from party that emails me (producer)
-Alan (sold me IPod on craigslist)
-writing group that dissed me

For Novel:
-Todd ? – Oxy alum who feeds me sushi

the fact I know so many amazing people doesn't help


it really, really doesn't, when it comes to being original and self-confident. i often feel as if i am (subconsciously of course) co-opting the brazilliance of the ever-expanding network of true artists I am lucky enough to know.

i want to break free of this self-consciousness and regress to the raw truth of my early twenties, back when i ran away to mexico and found myself writing a gothic horror novel about rebirth. it's called 'the perfect love' and i'm revisiting it now, realizing that in many ways, my adult sophistication is merely a deceptive net of distraction, hard, festering shreds of my ego hanging from it like barnacles.

the fact that i can be too obvious with my symbology, too corny in my sensitivity, too wide-eyed for the lounging hipsters, is not something to keep hiding from.

the innocence of childhood is fraught with imagination for good reason, and toeing this line between creative originality and slick, baudy self-marketing is like cartwheeling on a cliff for a disinterested audience. maybe i will just cartwheel somewhere else for awhile and stop worrying about toeing that edge.

thanks ruth (friends since 11 years old now?!) for sending me the above picture

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

thoughts from diablo cody

i noticed there's this horror film called 'jennifer's body' written by diablo cody coming out, and because she suddenly seems not only so prolific, what with juno and united states of tara and now this, but also along the lines of my unfinished stacks of creative variations, i looked up her old blog and found this awesomely encouraging and oh-so-'me too!' snippet from 2003:

The Book shall be conquered soon, this I swear to you.

I started writing The Book in 1999, when I was living in the Dodge Mahal, an ill-maintained college house so named because it was on Dodge Street in Iowa City. The Dodge Mahal was so squalidly kept that there was an overturned full-size Christmas tree in the living room. In May. I remember writing the first paragraph of The Book (which has now been so heavily edited that it bears little resemblance to those opening lines) and thinking "This could be something." Little did I know it would take me four years to write seventy pages. Seventy. 7-0. Stephen King probably writes seventy pages during his morning rehabilitative Pilates, and it takes me four fucking years.

The shocker is that I work on it often. I'm just so obsessive that I'll routionely rewrite entire ten page blocks. I'm never satisfied. I still think it sucks.

I have no idea if my back-assward labors will ever pay off. Today, for fiction by a woman to be considered marketable, it has to be about a sassy Prada-clad nanny/editorial assistant trying to find love in Manhattan. I don't think a slim novel about a bulimic high school physics teacher who's obsessed with amusement parks qualifies as "hot fic" these days.

I'm gonna finish. I have about fifty pages to go, so we're looking at, oh, 2005?

Saturday, June 20, 2009

update

and so metaphorical for life; right when you think you have it defined it mixes it all up on you without actually going anywhere.

it's a mouse, not a lizard.

and it is still behind the dresser.

this just happened

a lizard ran into my room from under a crack in my outdoors-door i've noticed before, but never realized the full implications of, and i discovered my immediate reaction to be, uttered in what i hoped were loud, commanding tones: 'WHAT THE FUCK, ANIMAL?'
and then he went and sat behind my pink dresser, and i just sat there too, only in my bed, and thought about how i should probably do something, but all i could think of, and eventually did do, was open my door to the less-inviting outdoors and then go bang the lid of a hard, vintage suitcase i keep some shoes in, against one side of the pink dresser.

unless he is supremely wily, which i don't really want to consider at great length, he is still under there, even as we speak. neither possibility is really what i'm looking for in life, right now, sorry lizard - yes, you, i realize you are a LIZARD, not an ANIMAL - but i'm glad we had this talk, i really am.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

my agent dropped me, but it's not over yet.

call it what you will - bipolarity indicative delusions of grandeur, fools gold, a fairy tale - but i have something primal, mystical, fundamental and sweet hammering on the eggshell of my delicate reality, with an insistent and insatiable clamor to get out.

i will keep writing. i know that much. it is so, so worth it.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

12-Step program for procrastinators

The Cult of Done Manifesto
There are three states of being. Not knowing, action and completion.
Accept that everything is a draft. It helps to get it done.
There is no editing stage.
Pretending you know what you’re doing is almost the same as knowing what you are doing, so just accept that you know what you’re doing even if you don’t and do it.
Banish procrastination. If you wait more than a week to get an idea done, abandon it.
The point of being done is not to finish but to get other things done.
Once you’re done you can throw it away.
Laugh at perfection. It’s boring and keeps you from being done.
People without dirty hands are wrong. Doing something makes you right.
Failure counts as done. So do mistakes.
Destruction is a variant of done.
If you have an idea and publish it on the internet, that counts as a ghost of done.
Done is the engine of more.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

what will become of us?

tonight i attended a short film series on the history of topanga canyon. the wistful pieces, mostly depicting brutally artistic souls in the throes of nostalgia, were a wire whisk in the stirrings of my soul.
a pied piper of a blonde ageless man, also present this night in the same pin-striped suit and feathered cap, spoke onscreen of time travel, his experiences with warhol, and true transcendence of the temporal. his pen and ink illustrated depictions of these esoteric concepts fluttered between frames of state-issued community bulldozing.
he struck me as a dying breed.
after, as i approached anastasia the filmmaker, full to bursting, as always, with another project i wanted to take on - the suggestion that we track down the neal young's, joni mitchell's, taj majal's and devendra's and garner the interest this project needs - the blonde man, similarly bursting, presented me with a list, hand-scrawled in red, of the musicians of that place, past and present.
He had the same idea. And it became despicably clear he was as overwhelmed by passion for the impossible as myself.
'I'm his squaw,' said a beautiful, pregnant woman, pushing me out of the room with her energy, and I felt ADD and silly and hate myself a little for having so much vision it veritably fetters me.
I ate a slice of apple and then I slipped away and drove up to Topanga and was happy to be home, even if that's what this rented hobbit-hole is for only a few more weeks.
a very cool blog on the daily routines of creative people

Chris Ofili

"First, he tears a large sheet of paper, always the same size, into eight pieces, all about 6 by 9 inches. Then he loosens up with some pencil marks, “nothing statements, which have no function.”

James Thurber

"I never quite know when I’m not writing. Sometimes my wife comes up to me at a party and says, “Dammit, Thurber, stop writing.” She usually catches me in the middle of a paragraph. Or my daughter will look up from the dinner table and ask, “Is he sick?” “No,” my wife says, “he’s writing something.”

Truman Capote

"I am a completely horizontal author. I can’t think unless I’m lying down, either in bed or stretched on a couch and with a cigarette and coffee handy. I’ve got to be puffing and sipping. As the afternoon wears on, I shift from coffee to mint tea to sherry to martinis.”

Monday, January 12, 2009

I am here to rein in, harness and corral my thoughts into some potentially viable semblance of order. My New Year's Resolutions - essentially of working hard and being published and generally kicking ass, NOW - have already begun to gallop off without me. I feel like I'm bouncing along behind, one foot caught in the saddle, trying to protect myself from a buffeting of my own over-zealous creation.

I must remember that half the reason I've taken it so slow and easy the last few years was because I recognized my ability to get all nutso about goals at the expense of my peace of mind. Now is the time to find that productive middle-ground between self-indulgent laziness and fevered anxiety.

STRAYS: meeting with a William Morris agent this week, at my roommate's behest. I feel it's a little too early. I need to reapproach the whole concept before doing the rewrite. As of now, I am going to try to have that rewrite done in 3 weeks' time for my screenwriting class. I am reading 'flight of the conchords' episodes and the pilot for 'gossip girl' to get the creative juices flowing. I need to introduce 'more conflict' 'more reason to be invested in these characters' everyone advises. I want to be quirky and honest, yet mainstream and marketable. Possible? Unknown.
Meanwhile, will just meet this agent and have fun, with a goal of having an updated bible/treatment for him by end of week.

BRIDE OF CHRIST: literary agent is counting on something new from me by end of the month. This is going to have to wait until February. I am stewing with new ideas, though, and even looking online for fellowship/grant options, because if this thing is going to be any good, i need a lot of time and patience, still. And I think I need to write the whole damn thing, from my heart, rather than continue to try and write teaser-snippets to get that advance first. In my new voicing, i'm going for no passing of judgment and visual, tactile realness. Drop the sensationalism. Sorry, commercial world, and yes, I know, bad timing for artistic integrity in a dying industry. Oh well.

HIPSTER: what to do?! Maybe try to compile a pitch for it, and see if it sells with what i have. no time right now. would like to pull out some samples and send them around as short stories.

SHORT STORIES: wrote a good one over Xmas break. Am researching lit journals to submit it to, and have a feeling this one will be published within the next few months.

ARTICLES: wrote a self-introspection travel piece from my Xmas break journeys. Will be sending it off to various magazines today and tomorrow. Already got turned down by LA Times - they're not even buying freelance anymore! OMG! - and Sierra Magazine, although the editor at Sierra suggested I send in some column-type pieces for a new section called Ponder. Have to work on that by end of week.

and, as if I need more ... want to compile and reexamine my 'Big Ideas' document so I can put my best foot forward to this William Morris agent this week. and need I mention I have what amounts to almost a full-time job in entertainment marketing already? No problem!

Monday, January 5, 2009

2009


This picture is in tribute to the owl that lives in a tree off my new Topanga porch, to the childhood memory of a rare great snowy white owl I once saw flying over Wisconsin woods, and to all the ancient forms - Greek, Roman, Celtic, Hinduism and Native American traditions - that hold owls as representative of spirituality and insight. I will be wise and rise above and continue to soar.